[{"id":8883,"author":"86aa90b0-ea3d-4b17-8ff0-835ec1a7b079","created_at":"2024-12-03T11:09:43.59542+00:00","updated_at":null,"text":"The staff have spoken! 😃","image":"841ffa8f-3f08-4179-906a-bf25b6a12f85.jpg","slug":"the-staff-have-spoken-%f0%9f%98%83-diywk","date":"2024-12-03","image_width":1398,"image_height":1398,"meta_title":"Friday Fun • The staff have spoken! 😃","meta_description":"The staff have spoken! 😃 • Friday Fun. Our favourite jokes, funnies, and memes from around the web. Don't tell me how to do my job!","body":"","tags":[{"tag": {"id": 25, "slug": "signs", "text": "Signs", "created_at": "2024-01-26T09:46:21.905346+00:00", "updated_at": null}}, {"tag": {"id": 32, "slug": "jobs", "text": "Jobs", "created_at": "2024-02-05T18:11:54.366071+00:00", "updated_at": null}}]}, {"id":8880,"author":"86aa90b0-ea3d-4b17-8ff0-835ec1a7b079","created_at":"2024-11-27T16:51:16.056265+00:00","updated_at":null,"text":"The staff have spoken! 😃 ","image":"f5f77555-490e-42b1-be35-bdecfb4f460d.jpg","slug":"the-staff-have-spoken-%f0%9f%98%83","date":"2024-11-29","image_width":670,"image_height":679,"meta_title":"Friday Fun • The staff have spoken! 😃 ","meta_description":"The staff have spoken! 😃 • Friday Fun. Our favourite jokes, funnies, and memes from around the web.","body":"","tags":[{"tag": {"id": 32, "slug": "jobs", "text": "Jobs", "created_at": "2024-02-05T18:11:54.366071+00:00", "updated_at": null}}]}, {"id":8831,"author":"86aa90b0-ea3d-4b17-8ff0-835ec1a7b079","created_at":"2024-10-30T10:18:34.113567+00:00","updated_at":null,"text":"You had ONE job! 😉","image":"a21f663e-343e-4d59-a4fa-66954e9abac6.jpg","slug":"you-had-one-job-%f0%9f%98%89","date":"2024-10-29","image_width":707,"image_height":576,"meta_title":"Friday Fun • You had ONE job! 😉","meta_description":"You had ONE job! 😉 • Friday Fun. Our favourite jokes, funnies, and memes from around the web.","body":"","tags":[{"tag": {"id": 32, "slug": "jobs", "text": "Jobs", "created_at": "2024-02-05T18:11:54.366071+00:00", "updated_at": null}}, {"tag": {"id": 45, "slug": "fails", "text": "Fails", "created_at": "2024-02-23T14:58:52.933515+00:00", "updated_at": null}}, {"tag": {"id": 67, "slug": "typos", "text": "Typos", "created_at": "2024-03-28T16:16:34.921657+00:00", "updated_at": null}}]}, {"id":8816,"author":"86aa90b0-ea3d-4b17-8ff0-835ec1a7b079","created_at":"2024-10-19T15:56:27.974142+00:00","updated_at":"2024-10-24T11:30:37.738+00:00","text":"Odd that! 😃","image":"46ff93c1-0eb3-4d12-af9c-16beec183e07.jpg","slug":"odd-that-%f0%9f%98%83","date":"2024-10-18","image_width":458,"image_height":516,"meta_title":"Friday Fun • Odd that! 😃","meta_description":"Odd that! 😃 • Friday Fun. Our favourite jokes, funnies, and memes from around the web.","body":"","tags":[{"tag": {"id": 32, "slug": "jobs", "text": "Jobs", "created_at": "2024-02-05T18:11:54.366071+00:00", "updated_at": null}}, {"tag": {"id": 114, "slug": "panic", "text": "Panic", "created_at": "2024-04-05T15:38:51.184954+00:00", "updated_at": null}}, {"tag": {"id": 135, "slug": "vehicles", "text": "Vehicles", "created_at": "2024-04-05T15:42:33.902213+00:00", "updated_at": null}}]}, {"id":8736,"author":"86aa90b0-ea3d-4b17-8ff0-835ec1a7b079","created_at":"2024-09-13T20:50:28.763173+00:00","updated_at":"2024-09-13T20:51:25.075+00:00","text":"Engineers explained! 😀","image":"629fed26-85b7-4b69-b7bc-3a31be7bfbe1.jpg","slug":"engineers-explained-%f0%9f%98%80","date":"2024-09-14","image_width":597,"image_height":410,"meta_title":"Friday Fun • Engineers explained! 😀","meta_description":"Engineers explained! 😀 • Our favourite jokes, funnies, and memes from around the web. Friday Fun","body":"

People who work in the fields of science and technology are not like other people. This can be frustrating to the nontechnical people who have to deal with them. The secret to coping with technology-oriented people is to understand their motivations. This page will teach you everything you need to know. I learned their customs and mannerisms by observing them, much the way Jane Goodall learned about the great apes, but without the hassle of grooming.

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Engineering is so trendy these days that everybody wants to be one. The word “engineer” is greatly overused. If there’s somebody in your life who you think is trying to pass as an engineer, give him this test to discern the truth.

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Engineer Identification Test

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You walk into a room and notice that a picture is hanging crooked. You…

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Straighten it.
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Ignore it.
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Buy a CAD system and spend the next six months designing a solar-powered, self-adjusting picture frame while often stating aloud your belief that the inventor of the nail was a total moron.
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The correct answer is “3” but partial credit can be given to anybody who writes “It depends” in the margin of the test or simply blames the whole stupid thing on “Marketing.”

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Social Skills

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Engineers have different objectives when it comes to social interaction.

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“Normal” people expect to accomplish several unrealistic things from social interaction:

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Stimulating and thought-provoking conversation

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Important social contacts
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A feeling of connectedness with other humans
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In contrast to “normal” people, engineers have rational objectives for social interactions:

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Get it over with as soon as possible.
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Avoid getting invited to something unpleasant.
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Demonstrate mental superiority and mastery of all subjects.
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Fascination with Gadgets

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To the engineer, all matter in the universe can be placed into one of two categories:

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things that need to be fixed
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things that will need to be fixed after you’ve had a few minutes to play with them.
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Engineers like to solve problems. If there are no problems handily available, they will create their own problems. Normal people don’t understand this concept; they believe that if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain’t broke, it doesn’t have enough features yet.

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No engineer looks at a television remote control without wondering what it would take to turn it into a stun gun. No engineer can take a shower without wondering if some sort of Teflon coating would make showering unnecessary. To the engineer, the world is a toy box full of sub-optimised and feature-poor toys.

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Fashion and Appearance

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Clothes are the lowest priority for an engineer, assuming the basic thresholds for temperature and decency have been satisfied. If no appendages are freezing or sticking together, and if no genitalia or mammary glands are swinging around in plain view, then the objective of clothing has been met. Anything else is a waste.

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Love of Star Trek

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Engineers love all of the “Star Trek” television shows and movies. It’s a small wonder, since the engineers on the star ship Enterprise are portrayed as heroes, occasionally even having sex with aliens. This is much more glamorous than the real life of an engineer, which consists of hiding from the universe and having sex without the participation of other life forms.

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Dating and Social Life

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Dating is never easy for engineers. A normal person will employ various indirect and duplicitous methods to create a false impression of attractiveness. Engineers are incapable of placing appearance above function.

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Fortunately, engineers have an ace in the hole. They are widely recognised as superior marriage material: intelligent, dependable, employed, honest, and handy around the house. While it’s true that many normal people would prefer not to date an engineer, most normal people harbour an intense desire to mate with them, thus producing engineer-like children who will have high-paying jobs long before losing their virginity.

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Male engineers reach their peak of sexual attractiveness later than normal men, becoming irresistible erotic dynamos in their mid thirties to late forties. Just look at these examples of sexually irresistible men in technical professions:

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Bill Gates
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MacGyver
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Dilbert
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Female engineers become irresistible at the age of consent and remain that way until about thirty minutes after their clinical death. Longer if it’s a warm day.

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Honesty

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Engineers are always honest in matters of technology and human relationships. That’s why it’s a good idea to keep engineers away from customers, romantic interests, and other people who can’t handle the truth.

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Engineers sometimes bend the truth to avoid work. They say things that sound like lies but technically are not because nobody could be expected to believe them. The complete list of engineer lies is listed below.

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“I won’t change anything without asking you first.”
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“I’ll return your hard-to-find cable tomorrow.”
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“I have to have new equipment to do my job.”
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“I’m not jealous of your new computer.”
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Frugality

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Engineers are notoriously frugal. This is not because of cheapness or mean spirit; it is simply because every spending situation is simply a problem in optimization, that is, “How can I escape this situation while retaining the greatest amount of cash?”

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Powers of Concentration

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If there is one trait that best defines an engineer it is the ability to concentrate on one subject to the complete exclusion of everything else in the environment. This sometimes causes engineers to be pronounced dead prematurely. Some funeral homes in high-tech areas have started checking resumes before processing the bodies. Anybody with a degree in electrical engineering or experience in computer programming is propped up in the lounge for a few days just to see if he or she snaps out of it.

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Risk

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Engineers hate risk. They try to eliminate it whenever they can. This is understandable, given that when an engineer makes one little mistake, the media will treat it like it’s a big deal or something.

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Examples of Bad Press for Engineers

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Hindenberg.
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Space Shuttle Challenger
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Hubble space telescope
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Apollo 13
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Titanic
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Ford Pinto
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Corvair
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The risk/reward calculation for engineers looks something like this:

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Risk: Public humiliation and the death of thousands of innocent people.

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Reward: A certificate of appreciation in a handsome plastic frame.

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Being practical people, engineers evaluate this balance of risks and rewards and decide that risk is not a good thing. The best way to avoid risk is by advising that any activity is technically impossible for reasons that are far too complicated to explain.

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If that approach is not sufficient to halt a project, then the engineer will fall back to a second line of defense: “It’s technically possible but it will cost too much.”

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Ego: Ego-wise, two things are important to engineers:

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How smart they are.
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How many cool devices they own.
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The fastest way to get an engineer to solve a problem is to declare that the problem is unsolvable. No engineer can walk away from an unsolvable problem until it’s solved. No illness or distraction is sufficient to get the engineer off the case. These types of challenges quickly become personal — a battle between the engineer and the laws of nature.

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Engineers will go without food and hygiene for days to solve a problem. (Other times just because they forgot.) And when they succeed in solving the problem they will experience an ego rush that is better than sex–and I’m including the kind of sex where other people are involved.

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Nothing is more threatening to the engineer than the suggestion that somebody has more technical skill. Normal people sometimes use that knowledge as a lever to extract more work from the engineer. When an engineer says that something can’t be done (a code phrase that means it’s not fun to do), some clever normal people have learned to glance at the engineer with a look of compassion and pity and say something along these lines: “I’ll ask Bob to figure it out. He knows how to solve difficult technical problems.”

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At that point it is a good idea for the normal person to not stand between the engineer and the problem. The engineer will set upon the problem like a starved Chihuahua on a pork chop.

","tags":[{"tag": {"id": 32, "slug": "jobs", "text": "Jobs", "created_at": "2024-02-05T18:11:54.366071+00:00", "updated_at": null}}, {"tag": {"id": 34, "slug": "tech", "text": "Tech", "created_at": "2024-02-05T18:12:51.774572+00:00", "updated_at": null}}, {"tag": {"id": 442, "slug": "old-jokes", "text": "Old Jokes", "created_at": "2024-09-13T17:14:37.499999+00:00", "updated_at": null}}]}, {"id":8712,"author":"86aa90b0-ea3d-4b17-8ff0-835ec1a7b079","created_at":"2024-09-13T17:25:38.267641+00:00","updated_at":null,"text":"Work Dares! 😀","image":"b6ac271a-7c28-47f2-b314-c59a1e507096.png","slug":"work-dares-%f0%9f%98%80","date":"2024-09-14","image_width":960,"image_height":480,"meta_title":"Friday Fun • Work Dares! 😀","meta_description":"Work Dares! 😀 • Our favourite jokes, funnies, and memes from around the web. If they make us laugh, they're here!","body":"

One Point Dares

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Ignore the first five people who say ‘good morning’ to you.
To signal the end of a conversation, clamp your hands over your ears and grimace.
Leave your fly open for one hour. If anyone points it out, say, “Sorry, I really prefer it this way”.
Walk sideways to the photocopier.
While riding in an elevator, gasp dramatically every time the doors open.
When in elevator with one other person, tap them on the shoulder and pretend it wasn’t you.
Finish all your sentences with “In accordance with the prophecy…”
Don’t use any punctuation.
Interrupt your conversation with someone by giving a huge dejected sigh.
Use your highlighter pen on the computer screen.
Run one lap around the office at top speed
Groan out loud in the toilet cubicle (at least one other ‘non-player’ must be in the toilet at the time).
Phone someone in the office you barely know, leave your name and say, “Just called to say I can’t talk right now. Bye.”
To signal the end of a conversation, clamp your hands over your head.
When someone hands you a piece of paper, finger it, and whisper huskily, Mmmmmmm, that feels soooooo good!”
Leave your zipper open for one hour. If anyone points it out, say, “Sorry, I really prefer it this way”.
Walk sideways to the photocopier.
While riding in a lift, gasp dramatically every time the doors open.

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Three Point Dares

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Say to your boss, “I like your style”, wink, and shoot him with double-barrelled fingers.
Kneel in front of the water cooler and drink directly from the nozzle.
Shout random numbers while someone is counting.
Every time you get an email, shout ”email”.
Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has got over his or her caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
Keep hole punching your finger. Each time you do, shout, “dagnamit, it’s happened again!”. Then do it again.
Introduce yourself to a new colleague as “the office bicycle”. Then wink and pout.
Call I.T. helpdesk and tell them that you can’t seem to access any p*rnography web sites.
Say to your boss, “I like your style” and shoot him with double-barrelled fingers.
Babble incoherently at a fellow employee then ask, “Did you get all that, I don’t want to have to repeat it”.
Page yourself over the intercom (do not disguise your voice).
Kneel in front of the water cooler and drink directly from the nozzle (there must be a ‘non-player’ within sight).
Shout random numbers while someone is counting.

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Five Point Dares

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At the end of a meeting, suggest that, for once, it would be nice to conclude with the singing of the national anthem (extra points if you actually launch into it yourself).
Walk into a very busy person’s office and while they watch you with growing irritation, turn the light switch on/off 10 times.
For an hour, refer to everyone you speak to as “Dave”.
Announce to everyone in a meeting that you “really have to go do a number two”.
When you’ve picked up a call, before speaking finish off some fake conversation with the words, ”she can abort it for all I care”.
After every sentence, say ‘Mon’ in a really bad Jamaican accent. As in: “The report’s on your desk, Mon.” Keep this up for one hour.
In a meeting or crowded situation, slap your forehead repeatedly and mutter, “Shut up, damn it, all of you just shut up!”
At lunchtime, get down on your knees and announce, “As God is my witness, I’ll never go hungry again!”
Repeat the following conversation 10 times to the same person: “Do you hear that?” “What?” “Never mind, it’s gone now.”
Present meeting attendees with a cup of coffee and biscuit; smash each biscuit with your fist.
During the course of a meeting, slowly edge your chair towards the door.
As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer.
Sign or pp all letters with your initials and a swastika.
Dry hump the photocopier. When someone spots you, stop and cough embarrassingly, then lean in to the machine and whisper loudly, “I’ll see you tonight”.
At the end of a meeting, suggest that, for once, it would be nice to conclude with the singing of the national anthem – (extra points if you actually launch into it yourself).
Walk into a very busy person’s office and while they watch you with growing irritation, turn the light switch on/off 10 times.
For an hour, refer to everyone you speak to as “Bob”.
Announce to everyone in a meeting that you “really have to go do a number two”.
After every sentence, say ‘mon’ in a really bad Jamaican accent. As in “the report’s on your desk, mon”. Keep this up for one hour.
While an office mate is out, move their chair into the lift.
In a meeting or crowded situation, slap your forehead repeatedly and mutter, “Shut up, damn it, all of you just shut up!”
At lunchtime, get down on your knees and announce, “As God is my witness, I’ll never go hungry again.”
In a colleague’s diary, write in 10am: “See how I look in tights”.
Carry your keyboard over to your colleague and ask “You wanna trade?”
Repeat the following conversation 10 times to the same person: Do you hear that?” “What?” “Never mind, it’s gone now”.
Come to work in army fatigues and when asked why, say, “I can’t talk about it”.
Posing as a maitre d’, call a colleague and tell him he’s won a lunch for four at a local restaurant. Let him go.
Speak with an accent (French, German, Porky Pig, etc) during a very important conference call.
Find the vacuum and start vacuuming around your desk.
Hang a two-foot long piece of toilet roll from the back of your pants and act genuinely surprised when someone points it out.
Present meeting attendees with a cup of coffee and biscuit, smash each biscuit with your fist.
During the course of a meeting, slowly edge your chair towards the door.
Arrange toy figures on the table to represent each meeting attendee, move them according to the movements of their real-life counterparts.

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And if that wasn’t enough for you – here are some examples of insane acts you can use anywhere…

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At lunchtime, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hairdryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
Tell your children over dinner. “Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go.”
Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
Put your rubbish bin on your desk and label it “IN.”
Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over his or her caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
In the subject field for all your e-mails, write ” FOR SEXUAL FAVOURS”.
Finish all your sentences with “In accordance with the prophecy.”
Don’t use any punctuation
As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer.
Specify that your drive-through order is “to go.”
Sing along at the opera.
Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don’t rhyme.
Put mosquito netting around your work area. Play a tape of jungle sounds all day.
Five days in advance, tell your friends you can’t attend their party because you’re not in the mood.
Have your co-workers address you by your wrestling name, Rock Hard.
When the money comes out of the ATM, scream “I Won! I Won! 3rd time this week!!!”
When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot yelling, Run for your lives, they’re loose!”

","tags":[{"tag": {"id": 32, "slug": "jobs", "text": "Jobs", "created_at": "2024-02-05T18:11:54.366071+00:00", "updated_at": null}}, {"tag": {"id": 119, "slug": "pranks", "text": "Pranks", "created_at": "2024-04-05T15:40:45.894046+00:00", "updated_at": null}}, {"tag": {"id": 442, "slug": "old-jokes", "text": "Old Jokes", "created_at": "2024-09-13T17:14:37.499999+00:00", "updated_at": null}}]}, {"id":8728,"author":"86aa90b0-ea3d-4b17-8ff0-835ec1a7b079","created_at":"2024-09-13T20:32:24.47912+00:00","updated_at":null,"text":"Fired Employee References! 😀","image":"48a18efb-814e-4b4c-b515-7735667b9631.png","slug":"fired-employee-references-%f0%9f%98%80","date":"2024-09-14","image_width":309,"image_height":163,"meta_title":"Friday Fun • Fired Employee References! 😀","meta_description":"Fired Employee References! 😀 • Our favourite jokes, funnies, and memes from around the web. If they make us laugh, they're here!","body":"

If you have to write a letter of recommendation for a fired employee, here are a few suggested phrases:

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For the chronically absent:
“A man like him is hard to find.”
“It seemed his career was just taking off.”

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For the office drunk:
“I feel his real talent is wasted here.”
“We generally found him loaded with work to do.”
“Every hour with him was a happy hour.”

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For an employee with no ambition:
“He could not care less about the number of hours he had to put in.”
“You would indeed be fortunate to get this person to work for you.”

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For an employee who is so unproductive that the job is better left unfilled:
“I can assure you that no person would be better for the job.”

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For an employee who is not worth further consideration as a job candidate:
“I would urge you to waste no time in making this candidate an offer of employment.”
“All in all, I cannot say enough good things about this candidate or recommend him too highly.”

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For a stupid employee:
“There is nothing you can teach a man like him.”
“I most enthusiastically recommend this candidate with no qualifications whatsoever.”

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For a dishonest employee:
“His true ability was deceiving.”
“He’s an unbelievable worker.”

You’ve been in corporate life too long when ….

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You ask the waiter what the restaurant’s core competencies are.
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You decide to re-org your family into a “team-based organization.”
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You refer to dating as test marketing.
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You can spell “paradigm.”
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You actually know what a paradigm is.
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You understand your airline’s fare structure.
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You write executive summaries on your love letters.
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Your Valentine’s Day cards have bullet points.
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You think that it’s actually efficient to write a ten page presentation with six other people you don’t know.
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You celebrate your wedding anniversary by conducting a performance review.
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You believe you never have any problems in your life, just “issues” and “improvement opportunities.”
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You calculate your own personal cost of capital.
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You explain to your bank manager that you prefer to think of yourself as “highly leveraged” as opposed to “in debt.”
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You end every argument by saying “let’s talk about this off-line”.
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You can explain to somebody the difference between “re-engineering”, “down- sizing”, “right-sizing”, and “firing people’s asses.”
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You actually believe your explanation in number 15.
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You talk to the waiter about process flow when dinner arrives late.
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You refer to your previous life as “my sunk cost.”
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You refer to your significant other as “my co-CEO.”
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You like both types of sandwiches: ham and turkey.
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You start to feel sorry for Dilbert’s boss.
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You believe the best tables and graphs take an hour to comprehend.
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You account for your tuition as a capital expenditure instead of an expense.
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You insist that you do some more market research before you and your spouse produce another child.
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At your last family reunion, you wanted to have an emergency meeting about their brand equity.
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Your “deliverable” for Sunday evening is clean laundry and paid bills.
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You use the term “value-added” without falling down laughing.
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You ask the car salesman if the car comes with a whiteboard and Internet connection.
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You give constructive feedback to your dog.
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","tags":[{"tag": {"id": 32, "slug": "jobs", "text": "Jobs", "created_at": "2024-02-05T18:11:54.366071+00:00", "updated_at": null}}, {"tag": {"id": 71, "slug": "wisdom", "text": "Wisdom", "created_at": "2024-04-01T12:55:10.887405+00:00", "updated_at": null}}, {"tag": {"id": 442, "slug": "old-jokes", "text": "Old Jokes", "created_at": "2024-09-13T17:14:37.499999+00:00", "updated_at": null}}]}, {"id":8731,"author":"86aa90b0-ea3d-4b17-8ff0-835ec1a7b079","created_at":"2024-09-13T20:38:17.525689+00:00","updated_at":"2024-09-13T20:39:34.873+00:00","text":"Performance Evaluation Quotes! 😀","image":"774475ab-299c-4620-8f3f-eff67ec5882e.jpg","slug":"performance-evaluation-quotes-%f0%9f%98%80","date":"2024-09-14","image_width":960,"image_height":640,"meta_title":"Friday Fun • Performance Evaluation Quotes! 😀","meta_description":"Performance Evaluation Quotes! 😀 • Our favourite jokes, funnies, and memes from around the web. Friday Fun","body":"

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These are (allegedly) actual quotes taken from Federal Government employee performance evaluations. Some of them may be useful for your own use!

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Since my last report, this employee has reached rock-bottom and has started to dig.

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I would not allow this employee to breed.
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This employee is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definite won’t be.
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Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap.
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When she opens her mouth, it seems that it is only to change feet.
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This young lady has delusions of adequacy.
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He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.
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This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.
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This employee should go far, and the sooner he starts, the better.
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Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all together.
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A gross ignoramus — 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus.
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He doesn’t have ulcers, but he’s a carrier.
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I would like to go hunting with him sometime.
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He’s been working with glue too much.
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He would argue with a signpost.
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He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room.
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When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell.
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If you see two people talking and one looks bored, he’s the other one.
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A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on.
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A prime candidate for natural de-selection.
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Donated his brain to science before he was done using it.
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Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn’t coming.
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He’s got two brains cells, one is lost and the other is out looking for it.
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If he were any more stupid, he’d have to be watered twice a week.
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If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you’d get change.
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If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.
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It’s hard to believe he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm.
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One neuron short of a synapse.
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Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled.
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Takes him 2 hours to watch ’60-minutes’.
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The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead.
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These are some of our favourite pranks to pull on colleagues. They are all great and very simple to pull off!

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When two (or more) people are working at desks that are put next to each other, switch their telephone cords. With all those cables lying around it will take some time before they find that one out!

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Put a peice of onion or a clove of garlic inside the mouthpiece of a phone. Give it some time for it to fester and build up a strong odor. Then call them and keep them on the phone for as long as possible.

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It is always a good habit to lock your computer before heading off for coffee or a smoke. When someone forgets and leaves a Word document or an email open, type a single word somewhere in the text. “f*ck” or so will do nicely. They’ll never notice and send it out.

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Get a hold of someone’s cell phone and change the greeting banner to say “NO SERVICE”.

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Take a can of non gel shaving cream, and put it in a freezer. When it is frozen remove the bottom of the can and put it in colleague’s drawer. When it melts it expands and explodes all over everything.

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Go into MS Word or similar program on colleague’s computer, and add an entry to the AutoCorrect feature. This is a very simple prank that will send the novice user into a frenzy. Configure the AutoCorrect option to replace the word “the” with the phrase “you suck!”. They will usually panic and start scanning for viruses.

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Take clear tape and tape the underside of the mouse. Make sure you take the sticky end of the tape and apply it to the bottom of the mouse so it locks the ball in place. The victim will most likely check the connections in the back, reinstall drivers, reboot, etc., before they realize what has happened.

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Do a “Print Screen” of the user’s desktop, and then paste the image from the clipboard to a photo program, and save the image as a bitmap. Then, set the ‘snapshot’ of their desktop as the actual desktop wallpaper. (You’ll have to hide the Windows status bar, and move all their desktop icons into a folder, which you can hide conspicuously in the corner or something.) The user will see their desktop as always, but everything on it will appear to be frozen when they try to click on it…sending them into a rebooting and virus scanning fit!

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This will mostly only work with people with very little PC knowledge. Stick a floppy in their floppy drive. They will be unable to boot up windows until the disk is out. This is fun to watch.

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Try to find a very obnoxious CD laying around. Preferably a reggae or rap CD. Pop it in their CD ROM. Put up the sound full blast by double clicking on the volume control on the bottom right. On normal configurations the audio CD will autoplay when windows first starts up. The person starting up their PC in the morning will definitely be embarrassed.

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This is for that special person you just can’t stand in the office, the one who talks on the phone all day with their boyfriend/girlfriend and gets personal email all day. Go into their email and change their defaults to automatically “blind carbon copy” their boss or supervisor. Heads will roll!

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Change the coffee in the office coffee maker to decafe. Wait about three weeks(or until you think everybody has gotten over their caffeine addiction)and switch to expresso!

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Try “password securing” someone’s screen saver. First I suggest changing the screen saver to “scrolling marquee” and inserting your own word or phrase, “Mr. Jones (president or supervisor) eats SHlT” or something to that effect.

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With someone who is on the phone a lot during work – this works if you have phones that the handset comes apart. Take the handset apart and put scotch tape over the mouthpiece inside. They can still be heard, but they have to talk loud to be heard. The next day take it off, and put it in the earpiece. Usually they will be yelling to the other person on the line the next day, and won’t be able to hear them. When they complain about the phone, and get a replacement, do it on the next phone. After about a week you will notice the calls to be down considerably.

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Depending where you are at you may have a cafeteria in you place of work. Every week most of them put out a menu so you know what they are serving. Usually it is done on Word or Excel, and not extremely fancy. With a little work, matching fonts, and images you can make your own menus, and post them by your desk. We had one co-worker avoid the cafeteria for 2 weeks because of the selection “fish head stew” etc… before he caught on. Works great with picky eaters.

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My absolutely most favorite prank I have saved for last. It is so simple to do and yields such nice results. Simply pop out the ‘m’ and ‘n’ key on someone’s keyboard and reverse the two. Any flat tool will work. Just pry it with little pressure and they will easily come right off. Then just sit back and watch the confusion.

","tags":[{"tag": {"id": 32, "slug": "jobs", "text": "Jobs", "created_at": "2024-02-05T18:11:54.366071+00:00", "updated_at": null}}, {"tag": {"id": 442, "slug": "old-jokes", "text": "Old Jokes", "created_at": "2024-09-13T17:14:37.499999+00:00", "updated_at": null}}]}, {"id":8616,"author":"86aa90b0-ea3d-4b17-8ff0-835ec1a7b079","created_at":"2024-08-01T20:54:49.242094+00:00","updated_at":null,"text":"What a job! 😃 ","image":"afaffdb5-3f96-4f6c-8164-c09a15260a90.jpg","slug":"what-a-job-%f0%9f%98%83","date":"2024-08-03","image_width":734,"image_height":693,"meta_title":null,"meta_description":null,"body":null,"tags":[{"tag": {"id": 32, "slug": "jobs", "text": "Jobs", "created_at": "2024-02-05T18:11:54.366071+00:00", "updated_at": null}}, {"tag": {"id": 129, "slug": "sport", "text": "Sport", "created_at": "2024-04-05T15:42:00.303092+00:00", "updated_at": null}}, {"tag": {"id": 431, "slug": "olympics", "text": "Olympics", "created_at": "2024-07-26T14:42:47.984978+00:00", "updated_at": null}}]}, {"id":8572,"author":"86aa90b0-ea3d-4b17-8ff0-835ec1a7b079","created_at":"2024-07-09T11:35:49.790435+00:00","updated_at":null,"text":"Sound familiar? 😀","image":"252b1c36-c38d-4eb3-8383-6ec63c5c9131.jpg","slug":"sound-familiar-%f0%9f%98%80-ryskz","date":"2024-07-09","image_width":938,"image_height":564,"meta_title":null,"meta_description":null,"body":null,"tags":[{"tag": {"id": 32, "slug": "jobs", "text": "Jobs", "created_at": "2024-02-05T18:11:54.366071+00:00", "updated_at": null}}, {"tag": {"id": 68, "slug": "alcohol", "text": "Alcohol", "created_at": "2024-03-28T16:26:12.980066+00:00", "updated_at": null}}]}, {"id":8506,"author":"86aa90b0-ea3d-4b17-8ff0-835ec1a7b079","created_at":"2024-06-22T12:06:52.965553+00:00","updated_at":null,"text":"That worked then! 😀","image":"3cd092c5-92ad-4272-af9e-19691479a035.jpg","slug":"that-worked-then-%f0%9f%98%80","date":"2024-05-19","image_width":584,"image_height":560,"meta_title":null,"meta_description":null,"body":null,"tags":[{"tag": {"id": 32, "slug": "jobs", "text": "Jobs", "created_at": "2024-02-05T18:11:54.366071+00:00", "updated_at": null}}]}, {"id":97,"author":"5f9dbaae-a0a5-4532-90ea-4989e136ab64","created_at":"2024-04-19T13:19:55.034703+00:00","updated_at":"2024-06-22T10:43:49.738+00:00","text":"What do you reckon? 😀","image":"65eeaae1-7d4b-4622-845e-de395d1d69f9.jpg","slug":"what-do-you-reckon-%f0%9f%98%80","date":"2024-04-19","image_width":null,"image_height":null,"meta_title":null,"meta_description":null,"body":null,"tags":[{"tag": {"id": 25, "slug": "signs", "text": "Signs", "created_at": "2024-01-26T09:46:21.905346+00:00", "updated_at": null}}, {"tag": {"id": 32, "slug": "jobs", "text": "Jobs", "created_at": "2024-02-05T18:11:54.366071+00:00", "updated_at": null}}]}, {"id":4395,"author":"5f9dbaae-a0a5-4532-90ea-4989e136ab64","created_at":"2024-04-22T18:27:04.792938+00:00","updated_at":"2024-06-22T10:02:46.338+00:00","text":"You know that queue at Check-in! 😟","image":"8fab7670-f4c2-41fc-beb0-0d97a8c64018.JPG","slug":"you-know-that-queue-at-check-in-%f0%9f%98%9f","date":"2024-03-15","image_width":null,"image_height":null,"meta_title":null,"meta_description":null,"body":null,"tags":[{"tag": {"id": 32, "slug": "jobs", "text": "Jobs", "created_at": "2024-02-05T18:11:54.366071+00:00", "updated_at": null}}, {"tag": {"id": 99, "slug": "lazy", "text": "Lazy", "created_at": "2024-04-05T15:36:08.541793+00:00", "updated_at": null}}]}, {"id":35,"author":"5f9dbaae-a0a5-4532-90ea-4989e136ab64","created_at":"2024-02-23T14:59:07.250317+00:00","updated_at":"2024-06-22T09:24:28.679+00:00","text":"Anyone see a problem here? 😀","image":"f598bc3d-caaa-45b8-a210-40edf73e14d9.JPG","slug":"anyone-see-a-problem-here-%f0%9f%98%80-1dny5","date":"2024-02-23","image_width":null,"image_height":null,"meta_title":null,"meta_description":null,"body":null,"tags":[{"tag": {"id": 32, "slug": "jobs", "text": "Jobs", "created_at": "2024-02-05T18:11:54.366071+00:00", "updated_at": null}}, {"tag": {"id": 45, "slug": "fails", "text": "Fails", "created_at": "2024-02-23T14:58:52.933515+00:00", "updated_at": null}}, {"tag": {"id": 46, "slug": "genius", "text": "Genius", "created_at": "2024-02-23T14:59:02.512958+00:00", "updated_at": null}}]}, {"id":4364,"author":"5f9dbaae-a0a5-4532-90ea-4989e136ab64","created_at":"2024-04-22T17:58:59.211968+00:00","updated_at":"2024-06-22T09:13:09.403+00:00","text":"You had ONE job! 😃","image":"8cbbad76-7c8f-4af6-9438-c44ae93c2798.jpg","slug":"you-had-one-job-%f0%9f%98%83-185lt","date":"2024-02-15","image_width":null,"image_height":null,"meta_title":null,"meta_description":null,"body":null,"tags":[{"tag": {"id": 32, "slug": "jobs", "text": "Jobs", "created_at": "2024-02-05T18:11:54.366071+00:00", "updated_at": null}}, {"tag": {"id": 45, "slug": "fails", "text": "Fails", "created_at": "2024-02-23T14:58:52.933515+00:00", "updated_at": null}}]}, {"id":27,"author":"5f9dbaae-a0a5-4532-90ea-4989e136ab64","created_at":"2024-02-05T18:12:10.214855+00:00","updated_at":"2024-06-22T08:59:17.996+00:00","text":"Unfortunate! 😟","image":"6325df6b-e92f-4da2-afdc-a769aff6a662.jpg","slug":"unfortunate-%f0%9f%98%9f","date":"2024-02-05","image_width":null,"image_height":null,"meta_title":null,"meta_description":null,"body":null,"tags":[{"tag": {"id": 28, "slug": "rude", "text": "Rude", "created_at": "2024-01-26T10:03:23.172034+00:00", "updated_at": null}}, {"tag": {"id": 32, "slug": "jobs", "text": "Jobs", "created_at": "2024-02-05T18:11:54.366071+00:00", "updated_at": null}}]}, {"id":8474,"author":"5f9dbaae-a0a5-4532-90ea-4989e136ab64","created_at":"2024-06-22T08:50:39.000111+00:00","updated_at":null,"text":"Happy Groundhog Day!","image":"7e9d261b-3ffd-4eb1-ba81-39fb59d19094.jpg","slug":"happy-groundhog-day","date":"2024-02-02","image_width":962,"image_height":600,"meta_title":null,"meta_description":null,"body":null,"tags":[{"tag": {"id": 32, "slug": "jobs", "text": "Jobs", "created_at": "2024-02-05T18:11:54.366071+00:00", "updated_at": null}}, {"tag": {"id": 65, "slug": "animals", "text": "Animals", "created_at": "2024-03-28T14:08:54.064872+00:00", "updated_at": null}}]}, {"id":8420,"author":"86aa90b0-ea3d-4b17-8ff0-835ec1a7b079","created_at":"2023-12-07T18:57:27+00:00","updated_at":null,"text":"Sounds like good advice! 😀","image":"4237-jobs.jpg","slug":"sounds-like-good-advice-%f0%9f%98%80","date":"2023-12-07","image_width":396,"image_height":591,"meta_title":null,"meta_description":null,"body":null,"tags":[{"tag": {"id": 32, "slug": "jobs", "text": "Jobs", "created_at": "2024-02-05T18:11:54.366071+00:00", "updated_at": null}}]}, {"id":8414,"author":"86aa90b0-ea3d-4b17-8ff0-835ec1a7b079","created_at":"2023-11-30T18:27:25+00:00","updated_at":null,"text":"A sad day indeed! 😏","image":"4232-signs-jobs.jpg","slug":"a-sad-day-indeed-%f0%9f%98%8f","date":"2023-11-30","image_width":525,"image_height":529,"meta_title":null,"meta_description":null,"body":null,"tags":[{"tag": {"id": 25, "slug": "signs", "text": "Signs", "created_at": "2024-01-26T09:46:21.905346+00:00", "updated_at": null}}, {"tag": {"id": 32, "slug": "jobs", "text": "Jobs", "created_at": "2024-02-05T18:11:54.366071+00:00", "updated_at": null}}]}, {"id":8117,"author":"86aa90b0-ea3d-4b17-8ff0-835ec1a7b079","created_at":"2023-03-05T13:44:53+00:00","updated_at":null,"text":"Think I'm in the wrong job! 😀","image":"3924-jobs.jpg","slug":"think-im-in-the-wrong-job-%f0%9f%98%80","date":"2023-03-05","image_width":797,"image_height":581,"meta_title":null,"meta_description":null,"body":null,"tags":[{"tag": {"id": 32, "slug": "jobs", "text": "Jobs", "created_at": "2024-02-05T18:11:54.366071+00:00", "updated_at": null}}]}, {"id":8049,"author":"86aa90b0-ea3d-4b17-8ff0-835ec1a7b079","created_at":"2023-01-08T17:03:01+00:00","updated_at":null,"text":"You had ONE job! 😃","image":"3848-genius-jobs.jpg","slug":"you-had-one-job-%f0%9f%98%83-3","date":"2023-01-08","image_width":385,"image_height":510,"meta_title":null,"meta_description":null,"body":null,"tags":[{"tag": {"id": 32, "slug": "jobs", "text": "Jobs", "created_at": "2024-02-05T18:11:54.366071+00:00", "updated_at": null}}, {"tag": {"id": 46, "slug": "genius", "text": "Genius", "created_at": "2024-02-23T14:59:02.512958+00:00", "updated_at": null}}]}, {"id":8041,"author":"86aa90b0-ea3d-4b17-8ff0-835ec1a7b079","created_at":"2023-01-02T16:37:13+00:00","updated_at":null,"text":"You can't beat local tradesmen! 😀","image":"3841-jobs-clever.jpg","slug":"you-cant-beat-local-tradesmen-%f0%9f%98%80","date":"2023-01-02","image_width":528,"image_height":589,"meta_title":null,"meta_description":null,"body":null,"tags":[{"tag": {"id": 32, "slug": "jobs", "text": "Jobs", "created_at": "2024-02-05T18:11:54.366071+00:00", "updated_at": null}}, {"tag": {"id": 47, "slug": "clever", "text": "Clever", "created_at": "2024-03-06T14:50:57.770526+00:00", "updated_at": null}}]}, {"id":7956,"author":"86aa90b0-ea3d-4b17-8ff0-835ec1a7b079","created_at":"2022-10-21T19:27:43+00:00","updated_at":null,"text":"Follow us for more interview tips! 😀","image":"3763-jobs.jpg","slug":"follow-us-for-more-interview-tips-%f0%9f%98%80","date":"2022-10-21","image_width":664,"image_height":618,"meta_title":null,"meta_description":null,"body":null,"tags":[{"tag": {"id": 32, "slug": "jobs", "text": "Jobs", "created_at": "2024-02-05T18:11:54.366071+00:00", "updated_at": null}}]}, {"id":7898,"author":"86aa90b0-ea3d-4b17-8ff0-835ec1a7b079","created_at":"2022-08-16T18:35:16+00:00","updated_at":null,"text":"Anyone relate to this? 😀","image":"3701-jobs.jpg","slug":"anyone-relate-to-this-%f0%9f%98%80","date":"2022-08-16","image_width":785,"image_height":820,"meta_title":null,"meta_description":null,"body":null,"tags":[{"tag": {"id": 32, "slug": "jobs", "text": "Jobs", "created_at": "2024-02-05T18:11:54.366071+00:00", "updated_at": null}}]}, {"id":7896,"author":"86aa90b0-ea3d-4b17-8ff0-835ec1a7b079","created_at":"2022-08-14T17:08:03+00:00","updated_at":null,"text":"Back to work tomorrow. Still, could be worse! 🙄","image":"3699-jobs.jpg","slug":"back-to-work-tomorrow-still-could-be-worse-%f0%9f%99%84","date":"2022-08-14","image_width":802,"image_height":568,"meta_title":null,"meta_description":null,"body":null,"tags":[{"tag": {"id": 32, "slug": "jobs", "text": "Jobs", "created_at": "2024-02-05T18:11:54.366071+00:00", "updated_at": null}}]}, {"id":7883,"author":"86aa90b0-ea3d-4b17-8ff0-835ec1a7b079","created_at":"2022-08-05T12:58:31+00:00","updated_at":null,"text":"You had ONE job! 🙄","image":"3686-jobs-genius.jpg","slug":"you-had-one-job-%f0%9f%99%84-4","date":"2022-08-05","image_width":455,"image_height":391,"meta_title":null,"meta_description":null,"body":null,"tags":[{"tag": {"id": 32, "slug": "jobs", "text": "Jobs", "created_at": "2024-02-05T18:11:54.366071+00:00", "updated_at": null}}, {"tag": {"id": 46, "slug": "genius", "text": "Genius", "created_at": "2024-02-23T14:59:02.512958+00:00", "updated_at": null}}]}, {"id":7761,"author":"86aa90b0-ea3d-4b17-8ff0-835ec1a7b079","created_at":"2022-04-10T12:51:44+00:00","updated_at":null,"text":"Ewww! 🙂","image":"3549-rude.jpg","slug":"ewww-%f0%9f%99%82","date":"2022-04-10","image_width":531,"image_height":543,"meta_title":null,"meta_description":null,"body":null,"tags":[{"tag": {"id": 28, "slug": "rude", "text": "Rude", "created_at": "2024-01-26T10:03:23.172034+00:00", "updated_at": null}}, {"tag": {"id": 32, "slug": "jobs", "text": "Jobs", "created_at": "2024-02-05T18:11:54.366071+00:00", "updated_at": null}}]}, {"id":7638,"author":"86aa90b0-ea3d-4b17-8ff0-835ec1a7b079","created_at":"2022-01-28T12:45:52+00:00","updated_at":null,"text":"OK I take it back. Maybe my job's not THAT bad! 😀","image":"3417-jobs.jpg","slug":"ok-i-take-it-back-maybe-my-jobs-not-that-bad-%f0%9f%98%80","date":"2022-01-28","image_width":565,"image_height":754,"meta_title":null,"meta_description":null,"body":null,"tags":[{"tag": {"id": 32, "slug": "jobs", "text": "Jobs", "created_at": "2024-02-05T18:11:54.366071+00:00", "updated_at": null}}]}, {"id":7489,"author":"86aa90b0-ea3d-4b17-8ff0-835ec1a7b079","created_at":"2021-11-26T13:46:58+00:00","updated_at":null,"text":"It's Friday! 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Lockdown is tough on everyone huh! 😀","image":"2511-lockdown.jpg","slug":"poor-sod-lockdown-is-tough-on-everyone-huh-%f0%9f%98%80","date":"2021-01-08","image_width":716,"image_height":417,"meta_title":null,"meta_description":null,"body":null,"tags":[{"tag": {"id": 32, "slug": "jobs", "text": "Jobs", "created_at": "2024-02-05T18:11:54.366071+00:00", "updated_at": null}}, {"tag": {"id": 418, "slug": "coronavirus", "text": "Coronavirus", "created_at": "2024-04-21T19:25:15.372827+00:00", "updated_at": null}}]}, {"id":6705,"author":"86aa90b0-ea3d-4b17-8ff0-835ec1a7b079","created_at":"2020-11-22T17:52:15+00:00","updated_at":null,"text":"No matter what the job, you can always make it more fun! 😀","image":"2429-jobs.jpg","slug":"no-matter-what-the-job-you-can-always-make-it-more-fun-%f0%9f%98%80","date":"2020-11-22","image_width":900,"image_height":821,"meta_title":null,"meta_description":null,"body":null,"tags":[{"tag": {"id": 26, "slug": "wrong", "text": "Wrong", "created_at": "2024-01-26T09:46:36.380901+00:00", "updated_at": null}}, {"tag": {"id": 32, "slug": "jobs", "text": "Jobs", "created_at": "2024-02-05T18:11:54.366071+00:00", "updated_at": null}}, {"tag": {"id": 84, "slug": "crime", "text": "Crime", "created_at": "2024-04-05T15:32:39.580547+00:00", "updated_at": null}}]}, {"id":6704,"author":"86aa90b0-ea3d-4b17-8ff0-835ec1a7b079","created_at":"2020-11-21T18:44:48+00:00","updated_at":null,"text":"Today's words of wisdom! 😀","image":"2428-job.jpg","slug":"todays-words-of-wisdom-%f0%9f%98%80","date":"2020-11-21","image_width":707,"image_height":634,"meta_title":null,"meta_description":null,"body":null,"tags":[{"tag": {"id": 32, "slug": "jobs", "text": "Jobs", "created_at": "2024-02-05T18:11:54.366071+00:00", "updated_at": null}}, {"tag": {"id": 71, "slug": "wisdom", "text": "Wisdom", "created_at": "2024-04-01T12:55:10.887405+00:00", "updated_at": null}}]}, {"id":6688,"author":"86aa90b0-ea3d-4b17-8ff0-835ec1a7b079","created_at":"2020-11-16T16:47:28+00:00","updated_at":null,"text":"Is it just me or does this look a little perilous? 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