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  1. How to have fun on the tube! 😀

    How to have fun on the tube! 😀
    • Make race car noises when any one gets on or off
    • Tape coins to your face with sticky tape
    • Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering “shut up, dammit, all of you SHUT UP”
    • Whistle the first seven notes of “It’s a small world” incessantly.
    • Sell girl scout cookies (Okay it’s an American thing but you get the idea)
    • On a long ride, sway from side to side with the natural rhythm of the train.
    • Shave
    • Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: “Got enough air in there?”
    • Offer name tags to everyone getting on the train, wear yours upside down.
    • Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
    • When arriving at your stop, grunt and strain to get the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.
    • Lean over to another passenger and whisper “The Eagles are flying high, over the Cuckoo Nest tonight”
    • Greet everyone on the carriage with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.
    • One Word: FLATULENCE
    • On a crowded carriage, stand in the middle holding an invisible pole or hand rail for support.
    • Do Tai Chi exercises.
    • Stare, grinning, at a person for a while, and then announce: “I’ve got no socks on!”
    • When the train is particularly crowded, moan from the back “ Oh, not now, damm motion sickness”
    • Give religious advice to each passenger
    • Meow occasionally
    • Bet the other passengers you can fit a fifty pence piece up you nose
    • Frown and mutter “gotta go, gotta go” then sigh and say “OOPS!”
    • Show other passengers a wound and ask if they think it’s infected.
    • Sing “Mary had a little lamb” whilst slowly rocking back and forth.
    • Shout “ Who pinched the station?” whenever the train stops in a tunnel.
    • Walk on with one of the ‘keep it cool’ boxes that says ‘human head’ on the side.
    • Stare at another passenger for awhile, the announce “You’re one of THEM”
    • Burp, and then say “mmmm ……. tasty”
    • Leave a box between the doors.
    • Ask each person, as soon as they get on if you could smell their feet.
    • Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to other passengers “through” it
    • Start a sing-a-long
    • When the carriage is silent, look around and ask “is that your beeper?”
    • Play the harmonica
    • Shadow box
    • Say “ De next stop is Piccadilly Circus, mind de doors, please!” in a variety of strange accents, at each stop.
    • Swing from the hand rail saying to yourself “Must Find Jungle Friends” then start to pick fleas from the nearest person.
    • Say “ I wonder what this does?” and prod the emergency leaver.
    • Listen to the carriage walls with a stethoscope.
    • Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to other passengers that this is your “personal space”
    • Bring a chair along
    • Take a bite of a sandwich as ask another passenger “ Wanna see wha in muh mouf?”
    • Blow spit bubbles.
    • Pull gum out of your mouth in long strips.
    • Announce in a demonic voice “ I must find a more suitable host body.”
    • Carry a blanket and clutch it protectively
    • Ask the person next to you for a “ROLLO”
    • Wear ‘X-ray specs’ and leer suggestively at other passengers
    • Stare at your navel and say “ I think it’s getting bigger”
    • Try to convince people that you smear Vaseline on the backsides of your friends when they pass out.

    20/08/24